What is the best way to cope with the tedium of an unrewarding life? Brandon Blackett has apparently found an alternative life as a successful undercover crimefighter, despite his family’s belief it’s all fantasy, but remains unsatisfied. He is contemptuous of his family’s imaginary alternative lives – sister Petunia indulges in the online alternative reality, Get-a-Life; father Norman kids himself his accountancy business is successful, while cobbling together absurd money-making schemes; and mother Elsie, who is a domestic slave to all of them, just dreams of being Pussy Galore – which leads to Norman’s comments about Pussy’s sexuality being strongly rebuffed by Petunia. Grandma is happy in an entire world of her own inside her head.

Brandon, with incompetent police assistance, apparently foils a daring burglary by incompetent criminals, then seeks an opportunity to make a breakthrough which would get him noticed and accepted by MI6. But he is hampered by his family’s lack of support, and futile fantasies. Norman’s, in particular, attract the attention of a highly unpleasant violent criminal, who, deceived by Norman’s tales of financial success, kidnaps Petunia and demands money. This leads to a crisis for all of them, but especially for Brandon. They all find themselves facing different realities.

The play ends in Get-a-Life where everyone finds some sort of fulfilment, except Petunia who, acknowledging the truth about her sexuality, finds it in the real world. But the question of what is true fulfilment remains.



Minimum with doubling 4M 7F

Brandon Blackett 20s

Norman Blackett Brandon’s father

Elsie Blackett  Brandon’s mother

Petunia Blackett Early 20s Brandon’s younger sister. Overweight.

Grandma 70s/80s Elsie’s mother

Mrs. Bishop Norman’s client

James Bond (doubled with Norman)

Moppet late teens

Bugs Boloney/Eric Strauss Criminal(s)

Dollface/Tiffany 20s/30s Criminal(s)

Inspector Nabworthy/Scott (M) Police inspector(s)

Constable Samson/Smith (F) Police constable(s) Late 20s/early 30s

Agent (can double with Inspector or Strauss)


Voices 1, 2, 3, and 4 (doubled as appropriate)


Get-a-Life avatars

Goldilocks Featherdew Petunia’s avatar (Doubled with Moppet)

Victor Supremo Brandon’s avatar (Doubled with Brandon)

Norman Blackett Norman’s avatar (Doubled with Norman)

Pussy Galore Elsie’s avatar (Doubled with Elsie)

Edna Grainger Grandma’s avatar (Doubled with Grandma)

Tom Grainger 70s-80s Avatar of Grandma’s husband (can double with Inspector or Strauss)

James Bond (Doubled with Norman)

Buck Steel (Doubled with Constable Smith, though this should not be too obvious)



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