STUFF ‘EM AN’ KIP ‘EM SAFE by Maria Edey


There is no longer any room at the graveyards, not many plots left for cremations. An ex-butcher found that his trade was dying. More supermarkets selling meat. Years before the BSE Scare.

So he came up with the idea of having loved ones stuffed and stay with the family!

A dark comedy.



ETHEL PRICE married to  ALBERT ( BERT) who is sat stuffed on his favourite armchair. Age up to 70 years old. Ethel is a very neat and tidy lady. Hair cut short, light grey, fairly modern. She dresses modern with wearing of jeans, track suits, flared skirts, blouses, jumpers. Low heeled shoes and trainers. A worrier and nervous. Excepts life as is. Happy living with Bert.

BERT married to Ethel and has passed away.  Can be greyed haired or bald hair. Smart and always wore a tie. Black lace ups shoes.

GLADYS JONES friend of ETHEL. Hair grey and curled as was the fashion many years ago. Flared skirts, blouse, cardigans. Usually big boots with socks. She uses the Forest of Dean dialect. Quite mouthy, with an heart of gold. She is not so keen on change, and worries about how the Forest of Dean is going with so many people (incomers) coming to live in the Dean and wanting other things. Age up to 70 years old.

HARRY Married to Gladys. He puts up with quite a bit from his wife Age up to 70 years old.   He wears Jeans, shirts sometimes, mainly track suit bottoms, jumpers, anorak. Tends to be scruffy. He speaks the Forest dialect. Surprises people with his wisdom when he does speak. Easier going than his wife Gladys.

CHARLES COLLARD who meets up with ETHEL and marries her. Age up to 70 years. Suits, sometimes casual. He was before retirement a successful business man. Quite laid back, but lonely until Ethel comes into his life.

BELINDA was married to Charles, Mother of Clare. Now passes away. Charles keeps her with him in his home. She was quite the beauty in her time.

CLARE WILLIAMS the daughter of CHARLES married to TOM. Age early 30s.

TOM WILLIAMS married to Clare. He has come to live in the Forest of Dean where his Grandparents live, meets Clare and marries her

Young TOM and EMILY children of CLARE and TOM

EDNA  friend of Ethels and Gladys.

LILY friend of the above



WILL EDWARDS – non-speaking part.



Preview available here

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